super blue blood moon

they’re calling it in whiteness
and i have to search
the internet to
seek anishinaabe names
spirit moon
i think now
because bear moon seems
too early but
what do i know

i know colten’s name
the trial starting now
my heart in saskatchewan
my heart here
about to teach billy-ray
to walk into a classroom
and say colten’s name
barbara’s name
last week
john t. williams’
name

i dreamt of bleeding
all night
dreams of blood

 

poem originally posted on Smokii Sumac’s Facebook page January 29 1:09pm

what you don’t understand

is that for the Indigenous person in your life

Colten is family.

Colten is me.

Colten is my brother.

Barbara

is my mom’s name.

Barbara is my auntie.

Barbara is our grandma.

Tina is our niece
our little sister
our baby girl.

What you don’t understand is
when you survive genocide
everyone left
is family.

originally posted on Smokii Sumac’s Facebook page January 30, 2018 at 11:14pm

consent series

i.

forget the bad sex
i want to read the good
the genderless space

they made art with snakes
took a break from installing
to meet me
drink tea

them sweetly smiling
“can i kiss you?” I asked them
“yes”
and then we are

in that moment first
when your insides cross fingers
the inhale
connect

lips on collar bone
the length of them along you
move from couch to stand

tiptoes
“you’re so tall”
“do you want to go in here?”
“Yes.”
move to the bedroom

slow for seconds
sneak kisses between giggles
feeling deep sweet shy

check in again now
hand sweeps nearing that soft spot
where pants meet stomach

inhale deep soft kiss
hard exhale you think of snakes
of hands on the wheel

on you
shed clothing
“i really like you arms” flex
feel stronger here now

fall into laughter
in this bed
neither of us
will sleep in for long

slow quiet kiss now
“what do you want to do?” smile
consent
an
active
verb.

 

ii.

#makesexgreatthefirsttime

my first time was good.
when i say this to women
they are often shocked

we are taught instead
it should hurt
that it’s breaking
something inside you

not taught our pleasure
only shame
turn the lights off
normal is for him

did you get him off
wait through long pounding hours
or just a minutes

taught to hold our breath
stare at how many ceilings
to-do list in mind

my first time was good
the consensual first time
the one that i count

he smelled so damn good
had softest high thread count sheets
made crepes when we woke

yes
i stayed the night.

and isn’t that what we need?
radical balance

i wish that for you
a revolution of sex
for every human

softest sheets and crepes
or rose petals and candles
tender exploring

whatever you like
maybe punk rock and the floor
if both of you want

creating the world
together how you want it
co-write the story

communication
and
continuous
enthusiastic
consent.

 

iii.

#makesexgreatthefirsttime

the other first time
her name whispers on my tongue
taste sweet green apples

she walked in the room
in my memory it’s like
she was sent to me

a gift for my truth
that feels admitted right then
yep
i like women

when i say a gift
don’t get me wrong here, okay?
a gift of learning

a gift in our way
not consuming capital
i don’t want to own

she walked in the room
and it was clear to me then
my other first time

desire is so sweet
when you don’t seek to own her
only make her smile

we tangled ourselves
into the web we knew then
starbucks and late nights

dancing clean
sober
at the recovery club
driving in my car

turning it up loud
she had tattoos everywhere
and then she kissed me

we were on the floor
“sleeping” over at a friends
“watching” a movie

that other first time
the Godfather our soundtrack
hard film our soft light

remember the way
she melted into you there
you were so damn scared

and yet each small ask
“is this alright?” met with yes
you kissed each tattoo

taste sweet green apples
held each other giggling
became lovers then

while the godfather
played on
you learned about you
her
us
together

she taught many things
but the one that sticks with you
is how it all felt

that other first time
sweet
green apple
consent.

 

iv.

last night in the car
you checked in on my feelings
such care and concern

i thought about
toxicity in language
of that word “friendzone”

i know how men feel
guess what? i’ve been “rejected”
not just their problem

but in those moments
ive learned to take what is mine
hold my own feelings

honour yours truly
when you tell me what you need
listen and hear you

we can’t just seek yes
convincing ourselves worthy
only through your eyes

you
we decide
without really knowing
already “the one”

last night in the car
you checked in on my feelings
and i was honest

you here in my life
brings this magic
this grounding
there’s a new strength here

quiet flirtations
give me fields of butterflies
you are incredible

you teach me to see
the world through your careful lens
glimpses of beauty

you point out to me
things i rush past too quickly
you slow me right down

last night in the car
when i checked my own feelings
i told you the truth

everything we share
all the beauty you can give
you as you are here

you
are enough
and you deserve above all
your autonomy

so if i ask you
like i did
if there’s more here
and you say no

then my friend thank you
for what you give is enough
remove the pressure

im only here for
what you choose to give freely
grateful for friendzone

since it’s where we are
both comfortable
where we
mutually find
consent.

 

poems originally posted on Smokii Sumac’s Facebook page January 16-19, 2018.